


Before this starts, would you lie to me?

by Tyingto_NoyFail_InLife



Category: New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Character Study, Hurt/Comfort, Implied feeling for each other, M/M, Originally angst, Ouma needs a hug, Ouma not Oma, Suicidal Thoughts, T rating because swears, a little fluff, also, and, and why not, because we die like men, but I couldn't help it so, but just in case, could be platonic tho, he's not feeling well, implied eating disorder, in the 4th trial, is just a bit don't worry, is not that bad, just a little bit at the end, kinda(?, no beta reading, saiouma, so this leads to, the others are mention, thiking what would Ouma think as the elevator goes down, this is the result
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-07
Updated: 2021-02-07
Packaged: 2021-03-18 02:15:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,766
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29235927
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tyingto_NoyFail_InLife/pseuds/Tyingto_NoyFail_InLife
Summary: "hey... whatever happens in there, would you trust me?""what do you want me to answer?""whatever sounds prettier, nishishi~"'Because I already know the real answer, my beloved detective...'"Now stop goofing around Ouma-kun, we need to get over this, you said you would help me, aren't you my assistant?"Saihara smiled at himProbably for the last time, he thinks....The fouth trial is going to start now and Ouma just loves lies.
Relationships: Oma Kokichi/Saihara Shuichi (Implied)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 72





	Before this starts, would you lie to me?

**Author's Note:**

> An angst fic because why not? is not that bad I swear.
> 
> just in case:  
> TW for Suicidal thoughts.  
> TW for eating disorder. (it's just a sentence don't worry.)
> 
> Just a bit but if it makes you uncomfortable, you should leave.
> 
> Anyway, hope you enjoy!
> 
> Kuddos are appreciated 💜💙

The elevator just kept going down and down and Kokichi could feel his head spin already. He can't get his eyes out of the floor because he knows if he sees Gonta's face just by chance, he would cry.

_ pathetic, you can't even bare what you started _

he only sees Saihara's shoes, he can count the stains of the floor, so far he got zero and counting, this fucking academy isn't dirty even when inside the halls are plants growing up like nothing. He just noticed, anyway, that no one is talking even though the past three times nobody could contain their nervous speeches, jokes and whatever helped to forget they were about to confront a death-death situation.

yes, death-death, there's always suffering and pain, and blood, Ouma can't help but feel sickening.

although it could also be the fact that he hadn't eaten a proper meal since Toujo-san...

whatever, who cares anyways?, not him, not the others.

he just remembered, did he broke the card? he better had because if anyone finds it before he can carry on his plan everything would be ruined. he can't believe he was able to walk right now, he didn't know if it was because of the adrenaline going through his body or because he is just so great of a liar he can even fool his own body to finished what he begun. _ that motherfucking plan. _

yeah, a plan, aha. how did he gain his title again?, because he feels like he is the worst leader that has ever existed. What does he mean, a plan? this shit wasn't in motion until now, eight people had died so far - nine...sooner than he wanted- and he had accomplished nothing at all.

he could swear he tried to, but those motives were so... off, nothing came to mind, nothing useful at least. and when everyone was so busy being friends and laughing as if they weren't practically in constant danger of being murdered, he was trying to figure out who would be the next victim and oh god.

he had contemplated him being a target, of course, but he didn't see coming Miu trying to built a whole murder scene. When he found it out, he panicked, what could he do, even if they didn't go inside that virtual reality, she would try to kill someone else and without him being able to do anything, because that was out of his control.

The virtual place, on the other hand, was in a reduced zone, with the great plan he could....

that didn't matter, he knew. If he could escape from her , she would go after someone else. didn't work.

he was aware, pitifully, which was his other way. He always had been.

But , they didn't deserve it, no. And when Gonta looked at him and asked what was he thinking so deeply, the first thing that came to his mind was...

_ I'm a son of a bitch. _

He hates himself so much, and he swears he was looking for another alternative. Every part of him screamed for another way, all the papers in his room where the proof but nothing of that would've worked. swear to who, anyways? he doesn't have anyone who...

Saihara turned to look at him, how long has been this trip down to hell? He wants to go far, far away already. "You aren't here, what are you thinking?" When did he become so good at reading him?.

_ the moment I let him inside of my room that night, of course. _

he should've never started to get closer to the detective, but he was a teenager after all, and he wants someone. Saihara was the one, yeah, he gets him, somewhat, and he doesn't try to make him spill the truth. He considered talking to him the night before, before all this shit started but...

he chickened out, like the jerk he is, he was about to knock his door last night, he was about to cry on his shoulder, he was about to tell him all the things he kept inside. he was about to tell him he couldn't get the image of kaede hanging out of his head, that he missed Toujou so bad, that he wanted Amami to paint his nails and he wished he would have try to know Ryouma more. That he actually wanted to befriend Tenko and that Angie wasn't that annoying and surely Shinguji was creepy but his lessons were interesting. He wanted to tell him that he really liked him, that he wanted him to hug him and scare the nightmares away, he wanted to relax for once and by his side.

but he chickend out, as always, because he thought maybe Saihara would not actually care, that he would think he was lying again and he'd tell him to fuck off, and if that'd happend, he'd just go along with it, he'd just say he's a liar again, he woul dry his tears as if they were fake and he would force a grin on his face, because that's what he has to be, right?

That's what they want from him.

even though he missed the warm of someone else, he didn't deserve it anymore, even if he wanted someone to worry about him, he doesn't deserve it, even if he wanted someone by his side, someone's advice, someone's love, someone's help, someone's presence near him; he didn't deserve it, because he's dirty.

oh so dirty.

he has blood in his hands, and there's no turning back.

That was all his fault.

A little knot of heartache is forming inside his throat and he is trying to make an excuse, tell anything to make the other sigh in annoyance and turn forwards again. but he was staring at him with a concerned frown. no need for that, soon he is going to make him never try care about his guts again.

" Oh my, so obsessed with me since I stole your heart?, my my, what I should do about it, uh?" he expected a reaction, but it seems he really messed up when he began to spend so much time with him. because the tease just slips completely off him, leaving his compusture intact. Instead he just scans him from toes to head, analyzing him completely. "are you coming to a conclusion about the case already?" he asks, unaware of anything.

_ I’m sorry… _

" Am I the detective here?, of course not! you should know the answer already though!” Shuichi makes a sound of realization, then he starts talking.” Sorry, it’s just… you are acting strange today” does he notice? Maybe Ouma is just so tired of faking already. He feels tired, so that’s probably it.

“ um, I don’t know what you are talking about, are you feeling well?” His characteristic laugh is low, but Shuichi hears it and smiles. they were whispering, but in the silence of that tiny box the noise drew everyone’s attention. Some didn’t care, like Gonta and Himiko, others gave them a gaze curiously like Keebo and Tsumugi. The ones who looked at them with a frown were Kaito and Maki. well, Kaito’s look was more confused than anything, but maki’s stare was frightening. 

Of course they wouldn’t like them being friends, secreting and giggling. They didn’t like his precious and dear Shuichi to be corrupted by him. They wouldn’t have to worry about that too much anyways, Saihara won’t want to see his face anymore soon.

“Really, are you okay?, if you know something, you can tell me, trust me” ‘something’ he says, he knows every little detail of this case, why does he care so much? he has no need to act this sweetly but he does.

_ damn it Saihara , you are so perfect. _

he wants to cry right now, all his limbs feel numb, and his hands are shaking. _but he can’t, he can’t, he can’t , he can’t , he can’t, he can’t, he can’t, he can’t, he can’t,_ **_can’tcan’tcan’tcan’tcan’tcan’tcan’tcan’t-_**

A warm hand takes his, he suddenly comes to his senses. no, he is not crying, but he felt like he did, it is discreet, but the grip on his cold hand felt good, he missed it.

_ warm. _

the way Shuchi gets closer, so as their connected hands are hidden, makes the moment so...intimate, private, exclusive, and all the words in the world that meant the moment was only theirs and no one else’s. he looks up, Saihara is looking forward but he can see a little flush on his ears.

_ that 's adorable. _

ah, but he should not feel this way, no. he’s not allowed anymore. His heart doesn't have the right to raise and melt at the touch, his hand shouldn't squeeze Shuichi’s back, his cheeks ought not to be pinkish.

but he was,nonetheless. his heart pumped quickly inside his chest, his hand clung Saihara’s and his cheeks felt hot. So impertinent, the right of feeling that uncomfortable and pleasant tickling in his belly was taken from him the moment he splashed blood on his filthy hands.

“You… seem restless...we are going to be fine” Shuichi indeed was a gentle guy, more than he should. He moved his thumb over his fingers when Kokichi tightened his grip, caressing him, trying to comfort him. but the only thing he was accomplishing is pushing ouma to the edge. if he doesn’t stop now, Ouma would cry his eyes out.

“Nishishi, seriously, you fell in love with me? and you want me only for you, right? hiding your moves, uh, it’s always the quiet ones”. He really should let Saihara’s hand go,  _ he should let Saihara go _ . but the warmth is intoxicating him, just a little more. just until he realizes he’s the worst, just until he can’t even look at him, just until he can’t even bare the sound of his voice.

Just a little more.

“you are shaking, and you are cold, just...until the elevator stops” Ouma’s eyes stared at him again.  _ Oh my God, no, Saihara don't do this, please. It's much more difficult this way.  _ He felt his heart shrink, no, no, no, no.

Stop

“...okay” he murmured. No, that wasn’t what he wanted to say, no; he wanted to mock him, he wanted to release his hand. yeah, that's what he wanted, that is what he deserves, nothing more, stop, please, don't.

he moved closer to him, his body acting without his consent. A little more and he could rest his head on his back, near his shoulder, with his hands intertwined. Gonta and Tsumugi were behind them but Gonta won’t say anything… maybe Tsumugi, but a death stare would be enough for her to shut her mouth.

he was about to do it but… Maki was there too, behind them, across the elevator. Sure… no, he shouldn’t. that was enough, with luck she didn’t notice their hands, the sudden clinginess would alert her. better not.

“You never answer my question” he needed a distraction to prevent him from doing anything impulsive. “ did you fall in love with me? nishishi” now, wait for him to get all nervous, and hopefully he will free his hand, because he couldn't do it. then he would say ‘It’s a-

“ who knows…” his eyes widened as he sees Saihara’s left hand going upwards to cover his face. _ ‘what are you doing, Saihara-chan? no you can’t do this… it’s so unfair.’ _

his breath started to shake, he tighen his grip around Shuichi’s hand again and his heart is beating faster than ever, this moment is so beautiful and so fucking horrible at the same time. More than ever, now he wishes he could stop the time.

_ ‘he would regret these words soon.’ _

Fine, if that’s his punishment, he’ll accept it.

_ knowing this won’t last is the punishment. _

they didn’t talk anymore, they only held hands till the elevator finally arrived. Everyone was getting out slowly., Kaito was first and maki last, giving them a gaze quickly as she left. “ _ be more unobtrusive next time” _ . he thought. the thing is, there won’t be next time. 

There won’t….

Shuichi finally let his hand go, it felt like freedom and abandonment at the same time, but it was better this way. Now they would leave, and nothing like this would repeat again, everyone has to hate him, even the sweet detective. they have to despise him to death.

yeah, that’s what they had to do. 

So then why is he holding Saihara’s shirt? “Ouma-kun?, is something the matter?” ah, he doesn’t know, what does he want? what would he want in this situation?, Saihara can’t give him anything, not anymore. And no matter what he says, it won’t change anything.

but...a lie won’t be bad.

a sweet lie, as sweet as his detective to comfort him, and let him carry out the show, yeah.

some last words, so whatever he could say after the trial, he knows Shuichi said something nicer to him, even if it was a lie.

“hey, whatever happens there, you would trust me?” it was a strange question, but it won’t trigger anything in the detective, since he’s clueless about it. the taller boy chuckled a little, maybe because he knows it’s an obvious answer, or because the question seems ridiculous to him.

“ What do you want me to answer?” he asked, well, if he gives him to choose…

“ Whatever sounds prettier, nishishi~”  _ ‘because I already know the real answer, my beloved detective’ _

yeah, that would do, it just has to feel nice, not real.” You don’t want the truth or a lie? just something pretty?” he continued asking, and Ouma felt as if he was buying something. Well, all of this is made up afterall.

“ Yup!, If that something happens to be a lie, better!” He hates them, lies, but they are so nice and comforting.

“I’ll trust you” his heart raised, looking the boy in the eye, the other got closer and Ouma startled. “ The truth is prettier this time, Ouma-kun” well, it seems the punishment is longer than he thought, he feels his eyes water, but Saihara moved away as he talked, making him realize he couldn’t do that.

“Now stop goofing around, Ouma-kun, we need to get over this, you said you would help me, aren’t you my assistant?” Yes, he was, the worst one. Saihara smiled, sweetly as always, then he walked away, getting into one of the grounds.

Saihara smiled at him.

probably for the last time, he thinks.

  
  


**_…_ **

He swears he could feel his heart actually breaking in pieces, he couldn't prevent the tears from coming out, the words came out from deep on his heart, he wanted to be punished, he deserved it. But obviously it wouldn’t work, his throat still hurt for the way he screamed Gonta’s name,  **_‘now they are nine…’_ ** he’s the worst leader, what the fuck.

he messed up when he looked at Gonta crying, his charade fell, he couldn’t help but want to scream, apologize, cry,  **die** . Now he needs to continue though, so he needs to dry his tears, yeah, stop crying…

  
  


Why isn’t he stopping?

He hears silenced voices, as if he’s under water, as if the others were far, far away. Is he the one far away? it would be perfect, yes, far away from this hell. But the tears that won’t stop falling made him realize he was still trapped, he hears his own pathetic whining, his throat feels scratchy and he feels his eyes swollen, but he needs to stop.

_ stop. _

he feels on his knees, which were unable to bear his weight anymore, because he feels his inside breaking and tearing apart, it hurts too much, even when he closed his eyes when Gonta was executed, he still heard the screams.

_ stop. _

he needs to start the show now, lies, lies, lies, lies, lies,lies, lies.

**_stop._ **

A warm hand is on his back, caressing him, what?...no, that wasn’t supposed to happen, no, no, no, he needs to be hated, despised, not...comforted…

why…?

“ I said I would trust you” His quiet voice went through his whole body and arrived in his heart, making it melt.

“but that was supposed to be a lie” his own voice sounds broken, almost unhearable.

But he forgot… Saihara isn’t a liar like him

Shuichi’s warmth hugged him entirely, for the first time, he cried as he never allowed himself to do. And the smell of old books and coffee make him feel safe.

his plan was officially ruined.


End file.
